Dec. 12, 2020
I’m on the boarder of dozing off in bed right now on this mildly chilly desert winter night. Laying in my beautiful and comfy house with my Loyal Dutch Shepard dog, and a dude that is rapaciously snoring right next to me. I bought a baby Xmas tree and a wreath today to try and get into the spirit. But it felt fake and forced I’m not down because of covid, I’m down I think because of the people I’ve been surrounding myself with lately. A lot of people I know these days are either from recovery, K9 training or (lack of physical class) all different atmospheres. But incredibly similar traits of people that drown you with their false personas. Trying, Trying so damn hard to put on a fake face. To make themselves look better to flat out lie. Lying about big things lying about little things I hate it it disgusts me. But I’m sticking around? Why idk I’m not afraid to me lonely I feel most alone around these people. I’ll let you guys know when I figure out why I’m still around. Promise. I need something different something pure and true. Last year was worse I almost went back down the heroin drain bad. After fracturing my back snowboarding and having a vape explode on me with a verbally abusive support system that wanted me to fall. Leaving me with second degree burns and some prescriptions for opiates, it was hard by far not the hardest year ever. I have “good problems” these days…. anyways, I’m healthy and not in physical pain this year so that’s a win. Body mind soul though. I fly out to LA to shoot some new videos, to pay for spring tuition, on Monday ! I’m going to write more soon I love writing. It is an escape for me. I hope you guys enjoy this as much as I do. If not, whatever 🤘 peace love gnight
Hugs. You are amazing.